Great, here I was trying to move on and forget my Ex. Now it seems I have circled back to her by way of this new girl in such dramatic fashion. Damn it! Ms. Caramel still perched on top of me, her knees on either side of my hips on the backseat. Leaning her head against the reverse side of the driver’s headrest, both hands covering her face like she was saying “what have I done.” I on the other hand, still don’t get what the big deal is.
As she mops over the situation and composes herself, I am able to take a minute to notice something. This girl is beautiful, in every light. In the brightly lit interior of Blues Bar & Restaurant where I met her, in the day light earlier as she introduced me to her male best friend, and now that mother nature has provided her with her very own customized Instagram filter. She looks even more striking in the monochromatic light of the African moon pouring through the window. Like a Zima blue washed portrait, her big eyes and eye liner more deeply pronounced, and the edges of her jawline and sharp features more defined against the dark shadows of the night. She is like poetry in suspended motion. With her head leaned back as she is, there is space between our abdomens and I am able to peek at her belly line as well as examine her torso more closely. Her belly button is surrounded by a plateau of nearly flat grassland, distinguishable by a tiny dark brown streak extending from it down into her zipper area. At this angle with me reclining against the backseat, her protruding breast outlines are like the silhouettes of two huge mountains extending skyward in the distance. My goodness, how perfectly balanced her proportions are.
She comes to and says, “alright, you’re gonna have to tell me why you two broke up.” I try to evade, but she insists. She feels entangled and wants to know what she has gotten herself into. Fair enough.
Here is what happened in a nutshell. I met Elube in March 2016, randomly also whilst out at a night club in Blantyre. Go figure. So I have a thing for legs, as it just so happens Elube has a killer pair and destiny felt it proper for such a set to find themselves located directly in front of the table I was sitting at. She was looking for her friends allegedly, as often happens with girls and outings. Alcohol + Hype, means people get separated. I was doing my lone ranger thing, outing to observe human interactions and lose myself in a sea of loud music. I suppose people that used to go to church a lot, that don’t go as much anymore, have a way of trying to capture the vibe of a religious environment in other activities. In my case there is something very sincere about people when they are outing that comes out that I feel they are unable to express normally without alcohol. It reminds me so much of the weirdness and abandon of evangelical churches. Clubs, especially dingy ones, are like a kind of safe space for human expression and desire. Allowing both the wealthy and the poor to converge in one place to discover just how related they are in the music that defines their demographic, the language that defines their national identity and instincts that define their humanity. In this way both hyper spiritual churches of the Pentecostal kind and loud bump and grind spots of the debauched variety are unpretentious with their attendees. Everyone knows why you are there; to worship, to have a good time or to get laid. All are welcome and none are judged for the honest ways in which they express themselves, or the ways whatever spirit they are possessed by manifests.
Needless to say, I called out “hi, nice jeans.” She replied, “oh thanks.” I proceeded to get her number and didn’t think much of it. Except that it felt good to have a number of a girl whose proportions fit my fancy. God bless my vanity.
A few weeks later after one or two meetings, we smashed and discovered we fit like a glove. From the onset there were several potential red flags I suppose, but when you like someone you tend to give them the benefit of the doubt and try not to profile them. I was not ready to walk away from something I had never had before. A relationship where, we talked to each other like friends. Were endlessly attracted to each other and were never bored. Were able to respect each other’s spaces and routines, maintaining our own individual personalities and other relationships with family and friends separate from the relationship. That is, we did not converge to make all aspects of our lives centered around the relationship, but treated it as an important extension of our already existing lives. To add to that we communicated well enough and spoke to each other kindly enough for fights to remain non-existent throughout the entire duration of the relationship. In fact till this day irrespective of whatever happened between us my phone has never received a “F@!$ you TC!” nor have I ever sent angry text or called to hurl insults at her, not even once. Having civility between you and yours is not only a necessary privilege, it unfortunately also makes staying broken up a little hard. I think friction or animosity makes moving on a little more certain.
My meeting Elube had a divine quality that all serendipitous relationships have. Where there is no room for ego because, you did not choose each other. But instead were brought together like two pieces of a puzzle against your will and by forces greater than yourselves. It was amazing. And then one day, I ran out of steam.
It was very strange, it was around August 2018, a period when I started craving conversation more than sex. I would say things like “babe is it possible for us to take a break from sex like for say two to three months just so that we can work on other aspects of our relationship, like talking to each other more or doing more stuff together.” A very unusual request coming from a boyfriend I am told, but sometimes you can be so busy or distracted you don’t even notice you are starving until ribs start showing. I was uninspired, started to notice our difference in priorities. She loved to drink and party, she didn’t seem to have any dreams of her own except the ones I was pushing on her. I was struggling financially as well and she couldn’t understand where my head was at no matter how I expressed it. After three-four months of this reaching out and craving for a deeper connection, I bailed out of the relationship. A desperate attempt to get my head above water and breathe. All this struggle and lack of emotional support was affecting my work and I was better off without it now that I was building a new company from scratch.
It was an ambush, it was an unprovoked breakup out of nowhere and it really rocked her in a way I could not appreciate then because, she never really allowed me to see or know her for who she was. We had been together for two and a half years, she had introduced me to her family, her mother, her step dad. She had never once mistreated me, she loved me each day the same as she put it. She was so proud of me, showed me off to everyone. She did what she could, but in the end it wasn’t enough. I think the differences in our priorities and backgrounds eventually caught up with me and started to expose the limitations of our relationship. With me always taking the lead and her always having to change her life to accommodate my ideas. Even though “Nothing” was ever wrong with us. Something always felt off and I could never put my finger on it. It’s like I was waiting for her to change and become a better person so that I could finally love her the way she needed to be loved. So November 2018 came and I broke her heart.
Now enter Mr. Side Guy.
Ms. Caramel says, “aha I see, so you knew about him, is that why you broke up?” I respond emphatically, “No. If the issue was Mr. Side Guy I would still be with her. She deleted his number and promised to get rid of him when we got back together in February 2019. I accepted him as a creation of my own making that I would have to remedy. He was never a threat.” She pauses and asks with a wondering face, “So what lead to the recent break up?” I say, “hold on let me finish the story, coz things take such an unexpected twist…”
To be continued… (Part 3, Final Part Next)
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